Yesterday, I attended my first arts conference with
CIVA (Christians in the Visual Arts). It was a great experience, and made me think about my life as an artist in a new and challenging way. But that also meant that I am now more confused and lost in figuring out "how to beat the starving artist stereotype" than I ever was before. I've been so
focused on trying to sell my art and making art work as a financial means, that I've forgotten all about why I paint and express myself through art in the first place.
At the conference, there was a short time of Round table Discussion with 5 of the workshop instructors from the conference. There wasn't anything in particular about what they talked about that created this "high" inside of me, but just the thrill of talking about the "art world" and being a part of a conversation that I could relate to and want to be more a part of . . . it made the artist that has been pushed aside and made dormant inside of me, alive again. I was reminded of a goal I made, and definition of becoming a successful artist someday: to make a big enough contribution to the art world that I would be included in an art history book someday. (Probably after I died.) Pretty grand, but in school that's what I thought you had to aspire to.
So on the beautiful drive home, while listening to "How Great is Our God" (an amazingly powerful song), I was overwhelmed by how blessed I am in life right now. I had that undeniable peace of knowing that I am right where I am meant to be. But combine that feeling with one of utter disappointment in not being anywhere close to where I thought I was meant to be and you have one wet drive home. So, my definition of success came to mind and the challenge to redefine it. Is it having your name written in an art book? Having shows in NY? Local gallery shows? Being financially stable from selling artwork? Making a difference in people's lives with your art? Fulfilling the inner need to express what's inside, whether anyone else sees it or not? Whether anyone buys it or not?
I'm not sure anymore. Is there even an end result we should be striving for, or is the process of getting there what's really important?